I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
