I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
