I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
