last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
