she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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