Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
