I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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