Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Damn victory sex feels great
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize