Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
