i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
