I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
