Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
