I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
