Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
