so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
