Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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