Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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