He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
