i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want to make out with him forever
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize