I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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