I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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