You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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