We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
