her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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