You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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