you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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