I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
