FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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