He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my shit smells like andre
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
