Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
