quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
