So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your cock deserves a montage
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
