if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
