I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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