did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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