bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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