life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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