Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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