I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
