chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
