In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
