So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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