So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
