At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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