Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
