when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
