I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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