Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
