so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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