i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
