Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
