I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need a beard to bite.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
