Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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