she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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