If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
