remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
