just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
