Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
