She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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