That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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