Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
