i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
