I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
