WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
