Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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