for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
