I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
