Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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