Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
