Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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