You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
