Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
